Post by KuroKuro on Oct 6, 2008 21:10:22 GMT
MED: Welcome Back to the Heart of the Sun; where we appear late after some fucker thought it'd be a good idea to spend Saturday Night snorting cocaine off a hooker's tits. Unfortunately, we didn't have a hooker, so we had to make do with a CD, which was far less satisfying, but probably a lot easier. Doesn't change the fact that two out of your three favourite wrestling watchers were uncapable of doing anything from about midday on Sunday [which was the time one of us got home; the other was hosting this noble enterprise.]
Who knows? Maybe I dreamed the whole thing.
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Jay Bain v Adam Warlock v hide Kitazawa
CP: Well, well, well. An ex champ, a fucking idiot, and some physics obsessed Jap.
Great.
It goes thus: Warlock and Kitazawa charge straight at Jay, and Jay knocks the shit out of them. Warlock gets back up, gets his leg caught, then gets a headbutt of Jay. Kitazawa leaps majestically into the air for a dropkick, which Jay steps out the way of. Jay powerslams Kitazawa into Warlock and goes for the double pin. Warlock managed to get a shoulder up at like 2 and 79 80ths, and as a result Bain pulled them both back to their feet, whipped Kitazawa into the corner, whipped Walker into the other, then hit both with a flying knee each before whipping Warlock into Kitazawa. Then, something awesome happened.
Warlock obviously decided that Bain was just fucking killing him, so he decided to pick on Kitazawa instead. Warlock sat the Jap on the top turnbuckle then clambered onto his shoulders in a super hurricanrana.
Nah, bad idea.
Kitazawa pulled himself to his feet, ready to powerbomb the living fuck out of Warlock, a good plan which was only scuppered when Jay Bulldogged hide from behind as he powerbombed Warlock, ending in a whole heap of mess. Jay picked up hide...
Bang, Offcore onto Warlock.
1, 2, 3.
Jay Bain gets the win. Surprise.
Winner: Jay Bain (Double Pin)
T-A Title #1 Contendership: Triple J vs. Richard Rose vs. Nightmare
MED: Before we start, background from the PPV, J lost the one title, Nightmare lost the other title, and Rose crippled a guy. Triple J comes out, pissed in the British Sense or being drunk out of his eyeballs; Nightmare comes out pissed in the American Sense of being rather angry, and Rose is just a cocky swine. I think you can tell how this is going to go.
No?
Come on, this is Wrestling, not Rocket Science; Rose stands and laughs while Nightmare and Juh-Juh-Jay beat the shit out of each other. Actually, that's not quite true, both of the distinguished [ha] gentlemen from Arizona are currently pissing themselves while J gets wailed upon. Who books this shit? At least it isn't making the face look week. In fact, it's making him look pretty strong, what with the whole "Hurling a Fat Drunkard Around the Ring" thing he has going here. That takes a fair bit of strength. It takes either a lot of intestinal fortitude to keep coming after this kind of assault, or possible liveral [if that's a word] fortitude to assimilate the amount of alcohol to make it seem as if all the press-slams, suplexes, and Lariats aren't killing him.
Oh yeah, Rose the Twat with a Roll Up!
But fortunately, Night's not falling for the same trick twice. In fact, he's not even intending to let someone try to roll up him again without murdering them. Oh dear. Fortunately for Rose, if not the god-fearing flag waving do-gooders of the world; he has Ruby Grey to pull down the top rope, which sends him for a bit of a nasty fall, but not quite as nasty as the one that Nightmare gets when Triple J walks into him and heaves him over as well! And just for good measure, J takes a bit of spill of his own because he's one shot away from pissing blood. And now the fight spills to the outside, with a Spanish count from our Masked Referee. Richard Rose "No Hablo Espanol," and there's a-fussin' an' a-brawlin' on the outside under the pretense of no-one understanding the ref. Wonder if anyone's tried this before?
Still, Ruby ushers her man into the ring and tells him to stand around and look pretty for the next few seconds while the other two are counted out. Night is horrified at this prospect, but between the drunkard hanging on his legs, and the twat sticking his boots in the Dark Knight's face. The count hits Diez, and my, my; Richy Rose steals another one
Winner: Richard Rose, by Double Countout.
Double Champion Non Title Challenge: Trans-Atlantic Champion, Shaun Wilson vs. Television Champion, Billy Walker.
No matter what Dan Dare, Saul Cards or the rest say; it's the T-A Title, not the T&A Title. No Test here. It isn't T-A for Territorial Army either, Trans Atlantic, 'cause we're here, and you're probably here with us, or worse, the US. [EDIT: Rumours of a Canadian appearing next week; guess that ought to be North America] Nah, just kidding, I love you all. Billy Walker is out first, and you'd think that title around his waist only stands for being the Best Thief on Television. What do you mean "He stole the title"? Oh well, that explains why Shaun Wilson comes out to cheers, as if he just wrested the treasure from the jaws of Smaug, or something. Beats hell out of the Last Guy's Inaugeral Address.
And the match actually takes place in a bizarre alternate reality, where there are handshakes, and respectful wrestling! Who books this shit? Holds, Counter Holds, Reversed Suplexes! It's several minutes of actual World of Sport style stuff which would have Steve Grey wiping a tear, before anyone even throws a strike!
It's all strangely beautiful in it's own way: Shaun attempts a German Suplex, only to be backed up into the ropes; Billy goes for a Backdrop Suplex, only to find his head locked. When he escapes, he gets a few different holds on before he has to fend off an attempt at a Dragon Suplex by seemingly dislocating his shoulder, hitting the deck and getting a Prawn Hold for a quick near fall.
Frustration evenually seeps in to this exhibition of wrestling talent, with a few forearms from Wilson. Knowing that he can't compete on this front, Billy checks the rush by stamping on his toes, and sweeping out the other leg; before resorting to an attempt at the Vulture's Claw! A kick to the face puts paid to that one, and when Walker goes to build up a head of steam off the ropes, Wilson Rolls and hits the Clothesline from Houston!!!
He's unlucky not to get the Three Count; but not so unlucky that he loses it when Billy counters with a Small Package. The match goes on in this vein, with the TA Champion still getting more and more frustrated, to the point where his Move of the Day is blocked and he moves straight to the Head-drop portion of the match: Wilson Driver '08¬ Counter again, but before Sanderson Reed can go in for the count, Wilson's back on his feet and hitting the move!
And it's Not Quite Enough! Not the first attempt of a cover, nor the second; and instead of a third, it's another attempt at the Driver, but Billy just doesn't want to go up for it. A forearm or two, and Wilson elects to Break Out the Mist!!! But Wait, the other guy has a mist gland too! Double Mist! No-one's blind, and both think this is hilarious; until they punch one another in the face. Billy comes off worse, but as Wilson goes in for another bomb, he hits the knee, and both hit the deck. Double KO...?
Not just yet; Shaun gets to his feet a split second before Billy, and goes for the KTFO! Billy tries some kind of reverse 'Rana thing, but it doesn't work. He does get some kind of hanging Headscissor hold, and does Wilson Not Like That! He drives the TV Champion into the turnbuckles and lets him fall to the floor, but he needs to catch his breath. Billy falls out of the ring...
The bell rings! Count Out...?
Winner: No Fucker, Time Limit Draw!!!
Ruby Grey and Richard Rose look on with some less than sincere applause; and Jay Bain appears just in case his services are required, but it's all Tension and Stand Offs.
Well ladies and gentlemen, what a show that was! Tune in next week for REAL LIVE SEX!!
Or... REAL LIVE WRESTLING!
Bonne Nuit, Fuckheads!
Chris "Hungover Yesterday" Pain, Dan "Hungover Yesterday" Dare, Mark "Hungover Yesterday" E. Dangerously.
Who knows? Maybe I dreamed the whole thing.
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NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
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NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
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[/center]Jay Bain v Adam Warlock v hide Kitazawa
CP: Well, well, well. An ex champ, a fucking idiot, and some physics obsessed Jap.
Great.
It goes thus: Warlock and Kitazawa charge straight at Jay, and Jay knocks the shit out of them. Warlock gets back up, gets his leg caught, then gets a headbutt of Jay. Kitazawa leaps majestically into the air for a dropkick, which Jay steps out the way of. Jay powerslams Kitazawa into Warlock and goes for the double pin. Warlock managed to get a shoulder up at like 2 and 79 80ths, and as a result Bain pulled them both back to their feet, whipped Kitazawa into the corner, whipped Walker into the other, then hit both with a flying knee each before whipping Warlock into Kitazawa. Then, something awesome happened.
Warlock obviously decided that Bain was just fucking killing him, so he decided to pick on Kitazawa instead. Warlock sat the Jap on the top turnbuckle then clambered onto his shoulders in a super hurricanrana.
Nah, bad idea.
Kitazawa pulled himself to his feet, ready to powerbomb the living fuck out of Warlock, a good plan which was only scuppered when Jay Bulldogged hide from behind as he powerbombed Warlock, ending in a whole heap of mess. Jay picked up hide...
Bang, Offcore onto Warlock.
1, 2, 3.
Jay Bain gets the win. Surprise.
Winner: Jay Bain (Double Pin)
T-A Title #1 Contendership: Triple J vs. Richard Rose vs. Nightmare
MED: Before we start, background from the PPV, J lost the one title, Nightmare lost the other title, and Rose crippled a guy. Triple J comes out, pissed in the British Sense or being drunk out of his eyeballs; Nightmare comes out pissed in the American Sense of being rather angry, and Rose is just a cocky swine. I think you can tell how this is going to go.
No?
Come on, this is Wrestling, not Rocket Science; Rose stands and laughs while Nightmare and Juh-Juh-Jay beat the shit out of each other. Actually, that's not quite true, both of the distinguished [ha] gentlemen from Arizona are currently pissing themselves while J gets wailed upon. Who books this shit? At least it isn't making the face look week. In fact, it's making him look pretty strong, what with the whole "Hurling a Fat Drunkard Around the Ring" thing he has going here. That takes a fair bit of strength. It takes either a lot of intestinal fortitude to keep coming after this kind of assault, or possible liveral [if that's a word] fortitude to assimilate the amount of alcohol to make it seem as if all the press-slams, suplexes, and Lariats aren't killing him.
Oh yeah, Rose the Twat with a Roll Up!
But fortunately, Night's not falling for the same trick twice. In fact, he's not even intending to let someone try to roll up him again without murdering them. Oh dear. Fortunately for Rose, if not the god-fearing flag waving do-gooders of the world; he has Ruby Grey to pull down the top rope, which sends him for a bit of a nasty fall, but not quite as nasty as the one that Nightmare gets when Triple J walks into him and heaves him over as well! And just for good measure, J takes a bit of spill of his own because he's one shot away from pissing blood. And now the fight spills to the outside, with a Spanish count from our Masked Referee. Richard Rose "No Hablo Espanol," and there's a-fussin' an' a-brawlin' on the outside under the pretense of no-one understanding the ref. Wonder if anyone's tried this before?
Still, Ruby ushers her man into the ring and tells him to stand around and look pretty for the next few seconds while the other two are counted out. Night is horrified at this prospect, but between the drunkard hanging on his legs, and the twat sticking his boots in the Dark Knight's face. The count hits Diez, and my, my; Richy Rose steals another one
Winner: Richard Rose, by Double Countout.
Double Champion Non Title Challenge: Trans-Atlantic Champion, Shaun Wilson vs. Television Champion, Billy Walker.
No matter what Dan Dare, Saul Cards or the rest say; it's the T-A Title, not the T&A Title. No Test here. It isn't T-A for Territorial Army either, Trans Atlantic, 'cause we're here, and you're probably here with us, or worse, the US. [EDIT: Rumours of a Canadian appearing next week; guess that ought to be North America] Nah, just kidding, I love you all. Billy Walker is out first, and you'd think that title around his waist only stands for being the Best Thief on Television. What do you mean "He stole the title"? Oh well, that explains why Shaun Wilson comes out to cheers, as if he just wrested the treasure from the jaws of Smaug, or something. Beats hell out of the Last Guy's Inaugeral Address.
And the match actually takes place in a bizarre alternate reality, where there are handshakes, and respectful wrestling! Who books this shit? Holds, Counter Holds, Reversed Suplexes! It's several minutes of actual World of Sport style stuff which would have Steve Grey wiping a tear, before anyone even throws a strike!
It's all strangely beautiful in it's own way: Shaun attempts a German Suplex, only to be backed up into the ropes; Billy goes for a Backdrop Suplex, only to find his head locked. When he escapes, he gets a few different holds on before he has to fend off an attempt at a Dragon Suplex by seemingly dislocating his shoulder, hitting the deck and getting a Prawn Hold for a quick near fall.
Frustration evenually seeps in to this exhibition of wrestling talent, with a few forearms from Wilson. Knowing that he can't compete on this front, Billy checks the rush by stamping on his toes, and sweeping out the other leg; before resorting to an attempt at the Vulture's Claw! A kick to the face puts paid to that one, and when Walker goes to build up a head of steam off the ropes, Wilson Rolls and hits the Clothesline from Houston!!!
He's unlucky not to get the Three Count; but not so unlucky that he loses it when Billy counters with a Small Package. The match goes on in this vein, with the TA Champion still getting more and more frustrated, to the point where his Move of the Day is blocked and he moves straight to the Head-drop portion of the match: Wilson Driver '08¬ Counter again, but before Sanderson Reed can go in for the count, Wilson's back on his feet and hitting the move!
And it's Not Quite Enough! Not the first attempt of a cover, nor the second; and instead of a third, it's another attempt at the Driver, but Billy just doesn't want to go up for it. A forearm or two, and Wilson elects to Break Out the Mist!!! But Wait, the other guy has a mist gland too! Double Mist! No-one's blind, and both think this is hilarious; until they punch one another in the face. Billy comes off worse, but as Wilson goes in for another bomb, he hits the knee, and both hit the deck. Double KO...?
Not just yet; Shaun gets to his feet a split second before Billy, and goes for the KTFO! Billy tries some kind of reverse 'Rana thing, but it doesn't work. He does get some kind of hanging Headscissor hold, and does Wilson Not Like That! He drives the TV Champion into the turnbuckles and lets him fall to the floor, but he needs to catch his breath. Billy falls out of the ring...
The bell rings! Count Out...?
Winner: No Fucker, Time Limit Draw!!!
Ruby Grey and Richard Rose look on with some less than sincere applause; and Jay Bain appears just in case his services are required, but it's all Tension and Stand Offs.
Well ladies and gentlemen, what a show that was! Tune in next week for REAL LIVE SEX!!
Or... REAL LIVE WRESTLING!
Bonne Nuit, Fuckheads!
Chris "Hungover Yesterday" Pain, Dan "Hungover Yesterday" Dare, Mark "Hungover Yesterday" E. Dangerously.