Post by ButterKnife on Aug 31, 2008 13:22:26 GMT
MED: So here we are, back at the Heart of the Sun, hoping that if I say it enough times, it may become cool. This time, we have all three of us here, ready to give you your weekly dose of over-opinionated hackery disguised as a review of a wrestling show that I'm pretty sure I just dreamed instead of watched. You never know, this could all be a dream, and the show is the only true reality.
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hide Kitazawa vs. Mark Renner
DD: And here was me thinking that Mark Renner had been killed by the Huachuca City Gang after last week's horseplay. The bell sounds and this is just a bad joke. Renner is challenging hide to a strike-fest. hide dodges all Renner's big hooks, and for every one that Renner misses, hide connects with at least five. More swinging, missing and jabbing until hide plants Renner in the jaw with a Dragon Punch of Doom and Renner is never getting up from that. hide doesn't know how to pin a man so shrugs as El Arbitro counts to ten. I think now is the time for Triple J to come out here and do some burying but he's up next so I doubt he'll have the time. Great to see hide get his first win, even if it was against a chump like Renner.
Winner: hide Kitazawa via Knock Out.
The Huachuca City Gang (Richard Rose & Triple J w/ Ruby, Brandi and Billy) vs. TrembleKing Yori and The Devil's SideKick Jonathan Quinn
DD: Ding! Ding! Ruby Grey and Brandi J out together, can a man's deepest desires be fulfilled so easily? It seems so, however this week, after a verbal warning from M, I actually have to write about the match and not just Ruby Grey's ass. H-City Gang make their way down to the ring, although I get the feeling something is missing. Shake it off, Dare. The mouthpiece Rose gets on the mic and proceeds to give Jonathan Quinn a brutal character assasination (at one point he calls Quinn a rapist). J gets on the mic and has a few choice words for Yori, but the man is too drunk and begins swinging his shovel between his legs like it was a snake or something. Walker is on third and, try as I might, I cannot decipher the man's vocals.
Finally we get some action underway, when Quinn makes his entrance, followed lastly by the number one contender to Triple J's T & A title, TrembleKing Yori. Mark E. Dangerously is marking out in the corner of the room for Yori which distracts me temporarily and I miss the opening of the match while I suffocate him with a pillow. Damn. When I return I see Triple J with a picture perfect Indian Deathlock locked on to Quinn...
Nah, I'm joking, Triple J has Quinn in the corner and is pulverizing him with headbutts and chest chops. After softening up Quinn, J tags in Rose who proceeds to hand control of the match back over to Quinn after missing a moonsault. Quinn tags in Yori who is in no mood for a cunt like Rose and would rather take the beating to 3J. Then Yori remembers Rose's interference from SuperNOVA I and decides a suitable punishment is to treat Richard Rose to a suplex display. We see two verticals and a snap before Yori covers, only getting a two thanks to 3J's ruthless and unscrupulous ways. Tag from Rose to JJJ means that the two men who will by vying for the T & A title at the next PPV are about to go at it once more. The fans go wild and so does Yori when Sanderson Reed throws him out of the ring, due to a blind tag from Quinn.
Quinn and 3J go about their business again, this time with Quinn gaining momentum over Triple J. 666 Shining Wizard from Quinn almost seals the deal, if it weren't for Billy Fuckin' Walker. Walker manages to keep Reed distracted long enough for Rose to slide in unoticed and nail Quinn with a sick looking shot with the singapore cane. Reed turns around as JJJ has the pin, but TrembleKing's intervention stops the day from being lost. Tag to Yori and we finally see Triple J and TrembleKing Yori go at it, with Yori gaining an advantage as he's not trying to outbrawl JJJ. Rose exchanges a nod to Billy as the two put their plan into action. Rose dives back into the ring and assaults Yori. Quinn comes to the save for his partner and the entire thing descends into chaos.
Reed is on the outside trying to stop Ruby and Brandi assaulting Yori with J's shovel (it takes two girls to lift it ya see), while back in the ring, Quinn nails 3J with his second Shining Wizard of the night and a spear to Rose. Quinn looks to have this entire match in his own hands when a Blond mist spreads across Quinn's face and sends him stumbling back into Triple J who lifts Quinn high in the air and crashing down onto Rose's knees. Cover from Rose would give a three count but Yori is in and kicks some major ass. Yori and 3J brawl their way up the aisle, like they were gettin' married or something. Rose and Quinn are left in the ring and Rose signals that he's about to gain his revenge on Quinn. Attempted Endgame from Rose gets countered by Quinn who only makes it two count. Both men battle back and forth, each countering the other until Rose puts his feet on the ropes during a roll-up, giving the H-City gang a questionable victory, like they care.
Winners: The H-City Gang.
Post match - Quinn is pissed off, grabs Rose and gives him the thrashing of a lifetime while Ruby pleads with him to stop. Cue Billy Walker to make the save, only he can't. Quinn's rage is unquenchable as he takes out Billy with Rose's cane and leaves the ring in frustration. Yori and Triple J disapeared backstage ages ago. It's gonna be one hell of a rematch.
TV Title #1 Contendership Match: Nightmare vs. Dragon Slayer
MED: So now it's time for our battle of the unstoppable force against... Well, the other unstoppable force. Who Books This Shit? This is so an early 90's 'F PPVME, except darker. Two unstoppable forces colliding in an match of epic proportions of bombast and hype. And steaks. Again. So yeah, big nasty bastards throwing each other around as if they were rag-dolls; and they cut the shit, and it all begins with a metric fuck-ton of suplexes, one after the other, like one big NOAH Gaijin Suplex-fest. There's not even the usual matwork bollocks. Straight to the business of cranial damage. Excellent. Eventually this even exchange becomes less even with Mark Phoenix [that's Dragon Slayer, to all you non-NGIW Fans. Apparently there there were some;] making good on his promise to become Nightmare, by stealing his Vision of Pain. Of course Nightmare doesn't like this; and spearing him 30 something feet across the ring, dumping him in the opposite corner, and doing the same himself. Only apparently better with it being his own move.
But not that much better, because the time it takes the groggy Nightmare to remember who he is, and go for the pin, Sayer has, himself, recovered enough to kick out at the last possible second. A knee to the face is a knee to the face, no matter what you want to call it. Now we get to the big stuff: Dragon Sleepers, and Falling to Sleep. Guess they were tired after all the facial kneeing. Neither can quite put the other into the Land of Nod, and when DS finally breaks free, he hurls Nightmare into the Pacific [See? I can do bombast too!] with the Vortex of Fire. Unfortunately for him, the Pacific Ocean is far enough away for Nighty to land on his feet, so he can run back to the arena while Slayer is wondering how far he threw him, and the next thing he knows is theEgoist Driver Cataclysm XLVIII. Through the ring, into the fires of hell, for those of you who like to keep their fingers on the button marked "Super Hype Release"
Three seconds later...
Winner: Nightmare by Pinfall
TV Title match: Jay Bain =0= vs. Shaun Wilson[/b]
CP: After being reminded by Dare that I wasn't watching an FIW show from about six months ago, the prospect of seeing Wilson take on Bain once again was, I'll admit, making me pretty creamy, especially when you add a belt into the mix. Wilson, it seemed, was eager to get this one started, barely waiting for King Bain to make his way into the ring before smackin' him right upside the head with a double axehandle. In fact, the first few minutes of the match pretty much just involved Jay getting his arse handed to him by Wilson all over the ring, Wilson damn near getting the pinfall after a fucking BRUTAL LIKE SCHWARZENEGGER releasing German suplex that dropped Jay on his big Northern head. His flat cap won't fit him no more, that's for certain.
However, it would seem that getting dropped on his face is how Jay gets himself fired up, because once he got back to his feet the tide changed quite markedly. The champ launched into a barrage of kicks and knees to his challenger's gut, flooring him with what can only be described as the spear from hell. Only problem was though, blondie wasn't happy with that, was he? Nooo, he had to climb the turnbuckles, and I won't deny that I laughed like a fucking drain at the look on his face when Shaun rolled out of the way of his frog splash, and he realised he was going face first into that canvas. But still, to be fair to the lad, he was back to his feet quickly enough to lock up with Wilson, and what a fucking test of strength the two had, Wilson eventually winning, whipping Jay into the ropes. Some mad japanese style shit then happened for a bit, Jay ducking and jumping and Wilson spinning and twisting, both of them crawling between each other's legs and all that shit, before the two came to a standstill. Was pretty cool, I'll be honest, and the fans clapping just went to show that they ain't as stupid as J makes out. Don't tell him I said that though, I like the shape of my skull as it is, ta.
Then what happened? Erm... Oh yeah, Wilson continued to pound Jay into the mat like a tent peg, the challenger taking advantage of Jay's every mistep. In fact, I'd have gone as far as to say that Wilson had it in the bag if it wasn't for the fact that Bain won that belt two weeks after a potentially fatal car crash. Who says northerners aren't 'ard as bags o' nails? Bain wasn't looking good though, I'll be honest with ya. Wilson ramming his head into the turnbuckle had split his nose open, leaking blood all over the fucking place, and he was pretty much fucking cross eyed as Wilson came off the ropes...
But Jay must have had something left in him, because he caught Wilson up into a fireman's carry, and as he dropped him on his back, Mark E. shattered my fucking eardrums by screaming OOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEE!!!! Like he was some kind of fucking Pokemon trainer or something.
But anyway, after my ears stopped bleeding and we pressed play on the tape once more, it would seem that Jay pinned Shaun to get the win, and the retaining champ clambered back to his feet... Straight into Nightmare, offering him a slow clap, before turning slowly away and walking to the back, leaving Jay to shake hands with a still confused Wilson, and slink off into the back.
Winner: Jay Bain by Pinfall (Retains)
So, another shit hot Nova show drew to a close, leaving your Appreciation society to take stock: Deathcrush got fucking battered once again, The H City gang managed to piss a whole lot of new people off, but somehow managed to avoid burying anyone this week, Nightmare demonstrated that he is extremely back in the game, and then Bain got a lucky win over a man who spent a good ten minutes trying to crack his head open like a nut, before being confronted by his new number one contender. Next week: Mark Renner discovers the secret of the King of Atlantis, two best friends are tested in a perculiar situation, and Richard Rose takes on the might of the Swiss army, wearing nothing but a loincloth. Or, more wrestling. Tune in and find out!
-Love,
Dan Dare, Mark E. Dangerously, Chris Pain.
=======================
NOVA Fusion
31.08.08
The Pyramid
=======================
NOVA Fusion
31.08.08
The Pyramid
=======================
[/center]hide Kitazawa vs. Mark Renner
DD: And here was me thinking that Mark Renner had been killed by the Huachuca City Gang after last week's horseplay. The bell sounds and this is just a bad joke. Renner is challenging hide to a strike-fest. hide dodges all Renner's big hooks, and for every one that Renner misses, hide connects with at least five. More swinging, missing and jabbing until hide plants Renner in the jaw with a Dragon Punch of Doom and Renner is never getting up from that. hide doesn't know how to pin a man so shrugs as El Arbitro counts to ten. I think now is the time for Triple J to come out here and do some burying but he's up next so I doubt he'll have the time. Great to see hide get his first win, even if it was against a chump like Renner.
Winner: hide Kitazawa via Knock Out.
The Huachuca City Gang (Richard Rose & Triple J w/ Ruby, Brandi and Billy) vs. TrembleKing Yori and The Devil's SideKick Jonathan Quinn
DD: Ding! Ding! Ruby Grey and Brandi J out together, can a man's deepest desires be fulfilled so easily? It seems so, however this week, after a verbal warning from M, I actually have to write about the match and not just Ruby Grey's ass. H-City Gang make their way down to the ring, although I get the feeling something is missing. Shake it off, Dare. The mouthpiece Rose gets on the mic and proceeds to give Jonathan Quinn a brutal character assasination (at one point he calls Quinn a rapist). J gets on the mic and has a few choice words for Yori, but the man is too drunk and begins swinging his shovel between his legs like it was a snake or something. Walker is on third and, try as I might, I cannot decipher the man's vocals.
Finally we get some action underway, when Quinn makes his entrance, followed lastly by the number one contender to Triple J's T & A title, TrembleKing Yori. Mark E. Dangerously is marking out in the corner of the room for Yori which distracts me temporarily and I miss the opening of the match while I suffocate him with a pillow. Damn. When I return I see Triple J with a picture perfect Indian Deathlock locked on to Quinn...
Nah, I'm joking, Triple J has Quinn in the corner and is pulverizing him with headbutts and chest chops. After softening up Quinn, J tags in Rose who proceeds to hand control of the match back over to Quinn after missing a moonsault. Quinn tags in Yori who is in no mood for a cunt like Rose and would rather take the beating to 3J. Then Yori remembers Rose's interference from SuperNOVA I and decides a suitable punishment is to treat Richard Rose to a suplex display. We see two verticals and a snap before Yori covers, only getting a two thanks to 3J's ruthless and unscrupulous ways. Tag from Rose to JJJ means that the two men who will by vying for the T & A title at the next PPV are about to go at it once more. The fans go wild and so does Yori when Sanderson Reed throws him out of the ring, due to a blind tag from Quinn.
Quinn and 3J go about their business again, this time with Quinn gaining momentum over Triple J. 666 Shining Wizard from Quinn almost seals the deal, if it weren't for Billy Fuckin' Walker. Walker manages to keep Reed distracted long enough for Rose to slide in unoticed and nail Quinn with a sick looking shot with the singapore cane. Reed turns around as JJJ has the pin, but TrembleKing's intervention stops the day from being lost. Tag to Yori and we finally see Triple J and TrembleKing Yori go at it, with Yori gaining an advantage as he's not trying to outbrawl JJJ. Rose exchanges a nod to Billy as the two put their plan into action. Rose dives back into the ring and assaults Yori. Quinn comes to the save for his partner and the entire thing descends into chaos.
Reed is on the outside trying to stop Ruby and Brandi assaulting Yori with J's shovel (it takes two girls to lift it ya see), while back in the ring, Quinn nails 3J with his second Shining Wizard of the night and a spear to Rose. Quinn looks to have this entire match in his own hands when a Blond mist spreads across Quinn's face and sends him stumbling back into Triple J who lifts Quinn high in the air and crashing down onto Rose's knees. Cover from Rose would give a three count but Yori is in and kicks some major ass. Yori and 3J brawl their way up the aisle, like they were gettin' married or something. Rose and Quinn are left in the ring and Rose signals that he's about to gain his revenge on Quinn. Attempted Endgame from Rose gets countered by Quinn who only makes it two count. Both men battle back and forth, each countering the other until Rose puts his feet on the ropes during a roll-up, giving the H-City gang a questionable victory, like they care.
Winners: The H-City Gang.
Post match - Quinn is pissed off, grabs Rose and gives him the thrashing of a lifetime while Ruby pleads with him to stop. Cue Billy Walker to make the save, only he can't. Quinn's rage is unquenchable as he takes out Billy with Rose's cane and leaves the ring in frustration. Yori and Triple J disapeared backstage ages ago. It's gonna be one hell of a rematch.
TV Title #1 Contendership Match: Nightmare vs. Dragon Slayer
MED: So now it's time for our battle of the unstoppable force against... Well, the other unstoppable force. Who Books This Shit? This is so an early 90's 'F PPVME, except darker. Two unstoppable forces colliding in an match of epic proportions of bombast and hype. And steaks. Again. So yeah, big nasty bastards throwing each other around as if they were rag-dolls; and they cut the shit, and it all begins with a metric fuck-ton of suplexes, one after the other, like one big NOAH Gaijin Suplex-fest. There's not even the usual matwork bollocks. Straight to the business of cranial damage. Excellent. Eventually this even exchange becomes less even with Mark Phoenix [that's Dragon Slayer, to all you non-NGIW Fans. Apparently there there were some;] making good on his promise to become Nightmare, by stealing his Vision of Pain. Of course Nightmare doesn't like this; and spearing him 30 something feet across the ring, dumping him in the opposite corner, and doing the same himself. Only apparently better with it being his own move.
But not that much better, because the time it takes the groggy Nightmare to remember who he is, and go for the pin, Sayer has, himself, recovered enough to kick out at the last possible second. A knee to the face is a knee to the face, no matter what you want to call it. Now we get to the big stuff: Dragon Sleepers, and Falling to Sleep. Guess they were tired after all the facial kneeing. Neither can quite put the other into the Land of Nod, and when DS finally breaks free, he hurls Nightmare into the Pacific [See? I can do bombast too!] with the Vortex of Fire. Unfortunately for him, the Pacific Ocean is far enough away for Nighty to land on his feet, so he can run back to the arena while Slayer is wondering how far he threw him, and the next thing he knows is the
Three seconds later...
Winner: Nightmare by Pinfall
TV Title match: Jay Bain =0= vs. Shaun Wilson[/b]
CP: After being reminded by Dare that I wasn't watching an FIW show from about six months ago, the prospect of seeing Wilson take on Bain once again was, I'll admit, making me pretty creamy, especially when you add a belt into the mix. Wilson, it seemed, was eager to get this one started, barely waiting for King Bain to make his way into the ring before smackin' him right upside the head with a double axehandle. In fact, the first few minutes of the match pretty much just involved Jay getting his arse handed to him by Wilson all over the ring, Wilson damn near getting the pinfall after a fucking BRUTAL LIKE SCHWARZENEGGER releasing German suplex that dropped Jay on his big Northern head. His flat cap won't fit him no more, that's for certain.
However, it would seem that getting dropped on his face is how Jay gets himself fired up, because once he got back to his feet the tide changed quite markedly. The champ launched into a barrage of kicks and knees to his challenger's gut, flooring him with what can only be described as the spear from hell. Only problem was though, blondie wasn't happy with that, was he? Nooo, he had to climb the turnbuckles, and I won't deny that I laughed like a fucking drain at the look on his face when Shaun rolled out of the way of his frog splash, and he realised he was going face first into that canvas. But still, to be fair to the lad, he was back to his feet quickly enough to lock up with Wilson, and what a fucking test of strength the two had, Wilson eventually winning, whipping Jay into the ropes. Some mad japanese style shit then happened for a bit, Jay ducking and jumping and Wilson spinning and twisting, both of them crawling between each other's legs and all that shit, before the two came to a standstill. Was pretty cool, I'll be honest, and the fans clapping just went to show that they ain't as stupid as J makes out. Don't tell him I said that though, I like the shape of my skull as it is, ta.
Then what happened? Erm... Oh yeah, Wilson continued to pound Jay into the mat like a tent peg, the challenger taking advantage of Jay's every mistep. In fact, I'd have gone as far as to say that Wilson had it in the bag if it wasn't for the fact that Bain won that belt two weeks after a potentially fatal car crash. Who says northerners aren't 'ard as bags o' nails? Bain wasn't looking good though, I'll be honest with ya. Wilson ramming his head into the turnbuckle had split his nose open, leaking blood all over the fucking place, and he was pretty much fucking cross eyed as Wilson came off the ropes...
But Jay must have had something left in him, because he caught Wilson up into a fireman's carry, and as he dropped him on his back, Mark E. shattered my fucking eardrums by screaming OOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEE!!!! Like he was some kind of fucking Pokemon trainer or something.
But anyway, after my ears stopped bleeding and we pressed play on the tape once more, it would seem that Jay pinned Shaun to get the win, and the retaining champ clambered back to his feet... Straight into Nightmare, offering him a slow clap, before turning slowly away and walking to the back, leaving Jay to shake hands with a still confused Wilson, and slink off into the back.
Winner: Jay Bain by Pinfall (Retains)
So, another shit hot Nova show drew to a close, leaving your Appreciation society to take stock: Deathcrush got fucking battered once again, The H City gang managed to piss a whole lot of new people off, but somehow managed to avoid burying anyone this week, Nightmare demonstrated that he is extremely back in the game, and then Bain got a lucky win over a man who spent a good ten minutes trying to crack his head open like a nut, before being confronted by his new number one contender. Next week: Mark Renner discovers the secret of the King of Atlantis, two best friends are tested in a perculiar situation, and Richard Rose takes on the might of the Swiss army, wearing nothing but a loincloth. Or, more wrestling. Tune in and find out!
-Love,
Dan Dare, Mark E. Dangerously, Chris Pain.