Post by KuroKuro on Sept 14, 2008 21:46:43 GMT
MED: Welcome Back to the Heart of the Sun; where we are, after those chumps in the Alps failed to end the world. I fucking told people that we'd be ok, but still I hear about Black Holes and Apocalypses and all that stupid shit. Thankfully, the planet still exists, and thus NOVA still had a show. And that means that we still serve our purpose of sanitising the effluvium of wrestling related waste for your consumption.
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Nightmare & T-Bird vs. Richard Rose & Ruby Grey
DD: *yawn* women's wrestling. Oh well. This week we have battle of the couples as T-Bird and ex-hubby Nightmare take on the Romeo and Juliet stylings of Richard Rose and Ruby Grey. Rose and Nightmare (gentlemen as they are) start the match off, letting the ladies stand on the apron to talk about lipstick and lycra or whatever it is they do. Nightmare instantly overpowers Rose and throws him around like a rag doll. Rose pulls the old trick of begging for mercy but Nightmare has been around the block a bit (not falling for it) and throws him around some more. Rose does the 'honourable' thing and tags in Ruby who looks up at the towering Nightmare. It's funny. Nightmare (being the good guy) does the really honourable thing and tags in T-Bird who takes the advantage quickly and throws Ruby into the corner and follows up with a monkey flip which puts Ruby on her back... yum. Two count only and Ruby is showing she's not just a pretty face as she hits a stiff elbow to T-Bird and tags into Rose who is more than willing to put the hurt on a woman.
Although he wasn't expecting a woman this tough as T-Bird kicks him square in the nether regions causing ol' Dickie to collapse (a little too theatrically) while Tanya tags back into Nightmare. Rose begs and pleads for mercy and The Dark Knight asks the crowd what he should do? Thumbs down and a Gorilla Press send Rose half-way across the ring and Nightmare ain't done yet. He twists Rose's arm and gives us an Old School Rope walk and the fans go wild, but only for a two count. Ruby is looking horrified at the beating her fella is taking and throws herself between Nightmare and Rose. Nightmare is loathe to hurt a woman but it seems Ruby has given Rose all the time he needed to sneak up behind The Dark Knight and fail to get the pin when Reed spots Rose's feet on the ropes.
T-Bird has seen enough and grabs Ruby by the hair and swings both of them out of the ring in a way I cannot describe. Reed is trying to keep order on the outside and with his usual cunning, Rose sneaks away and grabs his singapore cane, sneaks up on Nightmare (wrapping the cane around his throat) and giving him the Huachuca City Special. The joke, however, is on Rose who has no referee to count the pinfall because T-Bird is driving Ruby's head into the crowd protector to an amazing pop (from the girls). I didn't realise they hated Ruby so much, I thought it was just Rose. When I look closely however, I see the real reason for the uproar. Jonathan Quinn is in the ring (with his shirt off, that explains the girls) and smacks Rose in the face with his cane. And again. And once more for luck. Revenge long overdue from SuperNOVA methinks. T-Bird throws Ruby down, takes her place back on the apron, tags out a groggy Nightmare and leaps on Rose, getting the three count.
Winners: Nightmare & T-Bird.
Post match: Nightmare and T-Bird celebrate their victory, unaware of Quinn's interference. Jay Bain is standing at the top of the entrance ramp, clapping for Nightmare's effort. I think I see him mouth the words "see you Sunday" to which The Dark Knight simply challenges Jay to get in the ring.
Shaun Wilson Vs hide Kitazawa
CP: Pfft.
Another week, and another match with absolutely no exploding ring, no electrified barbwire, not even a flaming chair. In fact, judging by the display these fellas put on last week, I didn't think there was even gonna be any fucking wrestling. So, after the two finished fucking about with their entrances and the bell rang, It was a pleasant surprise to see Wilson fling Kitazawa over his head with a storming overhead belly to belly that clearly shit Kitazawa up. Clearly Wilson had learned that he couldn't go toe to toe with hide in a striking match, so he'd obviously figured he was going to spend the entire match keeping him well out of arm's reach. Kitazawa wasn't having any of that shit though, and after flicking himself back to his feet, punched Wilson between the eyes before roundhouse kicking the taste, the teeth and the tonsils out of his mouth. Wilson pitched sideways, but he somehow managed to jump out of the way of the low kick that hide threw, and the two of them entered into one of those fights like in the Andy Capp comic strips; Just a huge cloud of dust with limbs sticking out of it, surrounded by cartoon 'biff's and 'pow's.
Anyway, at the end of it, Kitazawa must have got a lucky elbow in or something, because Wilson ended up on his arse, sat up straight while Kitazawa kicked the shit out of him over and over again. In the end, the official had to hold the mad Japanese eejit back so he didn't actually kick Wilson into pieces. The Knockout Artist dragged himself back to his feet eventually, and as Kitazawa came back for another bout of kickin', Shaun locked in a quick hammerlock. Kitazawa went for the traditional elbows to the head, but Shaun managed to duck them, spin Kitazawa round and drop him with an inverted atomic drop. hide was stupid enough to stay standing though, and he didn't lose an ounce of momentum as he charged in with more fists and feet, pinning him against the turnbuckles with more and more intense strikes. He even did that mad maths thing again. Kitazawa took a step back, ready to hit his Dragon punch when....
KERBLAMMYKERSPLATTO!
Wilson battered Kitazawa with the clothesline from houston, then collapsed on top for the One...
Two...
THREE!
As the bell rang, Wilson dragged himself back to his feet in time to see M arriving at the top of the entrance ramp. See, turns out that after Yori slapped him up the face, the big boss had decided that this match would be a number one contender's match for the TransAtlantic championship. I didn't really listen to the rest, but basically it boils down to Wilson being the number one contender to Triple J's crown.
So, expect Wilson to get hit with a shovel some time soon.
Winner: Shaun Wilson
Triple J and Billy Walker, the Huachuca City Gang vs. Jay Bain and Jonathon Qui-gon Jinn
MED: Well, we've got the two champions of NOVA on opposite sides on the ring, accompanied variously, by three of the sneakiest, most devious twats to ever grace this 'noble' sport of The Professional Wrestling, and a guy who - if last week was anything to go by - can't even hit a Shining Wizard. Ok, there were mitigating circumstances going on there, but I mean really. Even I can hit a half decent Shining Wizard. True story, that, although going into it here might not be the best idea. The point is that Jay Bain is quite possibly in the shit, from the moment the bell rings. In fact, the bell is rung early, by the shovel of an angry Triple J; which destroyed the timekeepers table in the process
[CP: Oh Noes! How will we keep time now?!?!?]
And that minor tragedy, we begin midway through Jay Bain's entrance. Quinn being stuck in the middle of the ring with Billy Walker, who - get this - can actually wrestle! Who the fuck knew? Quinn has his arm stretched in three different directions before he's even turned around to face the Cajun Scumbag. In the end, he ends up sitting on the floor with his arm wrenched over his back in some kind of hammerlock, which Juh-Juh-Jay breaks up himself with a shovel to the face. The referee doesn't see this thanks to a classic bit of heelishness which involved Brandi and Rose distracting the referee, tell him to remove Jay Bain, who despite a sprint couldn't make it to the ring in time to stop any of this. Fast Forward through a good few minutes of Heelish Beat-down on Quinn - the exact time of which can't be determined now that the time-keeping crew have been sent packing - before Quinn finally wriggles free for what can only be described as a Hot Tag to Jay Bain.
Did I Hot? I meant Molten. Dropkicks for everyone, Armdrags for Everyone, Spears for Everyone. It goes swimmingly, for a start, he aims a baseball slide at Rose. Not a good plan when you're trying to swim through lava, and when he stands up, he walks into Billy Walker's Flying Knee; sending him into the H-City Corner, and then lets 3J go to work. And go to work he did. In the face of this beating, Bain turns it around and unleashes a storm of middle kicks. The Other Jay storms back with his own fists, walking into the OFFCORE~!!!
Oh Wait, here's Billy Fuckin' Walker to stop it with a punch to the kidneys. Damn.
Just as the crowd were getting all riled up. 3J slips out of the back and angrily throws 1J shoulder into the nearest turnbuckle post. Whether Fortunatly, of Unfortunately, the turnbuckle post in question is that where Jonathon Quinn is standing with blood trickling down his face from before. I'm sorry, I forget to mention this? He's been slowly bleeding since a point in that heelish beatdown. It's not really an issue. In fact, it doesn't actually become an issue until Billy palms his partner a roll of quarters, and then handily distracts the referee with the issue of Jay Bain. With Bain removed with the 'help' of Billy Walker [help that includes more than a few sneaky shots;] and then on the way back he takes the Roll back, and tosses it out to Rose; who's rich enough enough to unroll it and throw every single quarter into the crowd without blinking. Smooth bit of heelery.
Quinn's a bloody mess, Bain's a beaten wreck, so you'd think the Bad Guys have it in the bag. Not quite yet. Quinn kicks out of a pin attempt; and as the match goes on, there's still hope for all that is good and light. But then, do you think sensible people book this shit? Well, they're booking a wrestling promotion, which instantly disqualifies them from being sensible. Bain tries to help, but that ends with Sanderson Reed telling him where to go. JJJ becomes Walker and Punchin' becomes Chokin' and this time Sanderson Reed is taken up with removing Jay from the ring, allowing the Other Jay to come in, run the ropes and hit a Download on Billy. Aww Shit. Reed gets some order going, and it disintegrates in Short Order; As Bain is escorted back, Billy makes a fake tag with a loud clap, and then dives on Quinn's ankle before he can reach out for the tag. The T[&]A champion starts putting the boots in as Walker slinks off. Quinn crawls away, right into a choke, and it's time for some Grave Diggin'. Right on Cue, Bain runs in to make the save, and for the Second Time Tonight, Eats Knee!
Oh yeah, Quinn is fucked.
Winners: by Pinfall, Walker & Jay, the Huachuca City Gang.
Whoo Mama! What a show we had this week! It's just a shame that none of you twats actually watched it; something that had better change come PPV time, or we'll be broke in weeks. But anyway, Nightmare and his lady got a win this week, Shaun Wilson survived yet another kicking to become the number one contender for the TA belt, and the H City Gang went round being dicks, as per usual. Next week you're in for a treat though: Adam Warlock makes his debut by wrestling a Dead Horse (Strength: Is a horse. Weakness: Is dead.), Mr Great makes his debut by wrestling a snowman (Strength: Has the power of ice. Weakness: Temperatures of above zero degrees centigrade), and Billy Walker stars in an stage version of 'Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam', the film often called 'The Turkish Star Wars'.
That, or wrestling.
Bonne Nuit, Fuckheads!
Chris "Hung Over on Saturday" Pain, Dan "Hung Over Today" Dare, and Mark "Stays Drunk to Avoid Hang Overs" E Dangerously.
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NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
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NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
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[/center]Nightmare & T-Bird vs. Richard Rose & Ruby Grey
DD: *yawn* women's wrestling. Oh well. This week we have battle of the couples as T-Bird and ex-hubby Nightmare take on the Romeo and Juliet stylings of Richard Rose and Ruby Grey. Rose and Nightmare (gentlemen as they are) start the match off, letting the ladies stand on the apron to talk about lipstick and lycra or whatever it is they do. Nightmare instantly overpowers Rose and throws him around like a rag doll. Rose pulls the old trick of begging for mercy but Nightmare has been around the block a bit (not falling for it) and throws him around some more. Rose does the 'honourable' thing and tags in Ruby who looks up at the towering Nightmare. It's funny. Nightmare (being the good guy) does the really honourable thing and tags in T-Bird who takes the advantage quickly and throws Ruby into the corner and follows up with a monkey flip which puts Ruby on her back... yum. Two count only and Ruby is showing she's not just a pretty face as she hits a stiff elbow to T-Bird and tags into Rose who is more than willing to put the hurt on a woman.
Although he wasn't expecting a woman this tough as T-Bird kicks him square in the nether regions causing ol' Dickie to collapse (a little too theatrically) while Tanya tags back into Nightmare. Rose begs and pleads for mercy and The Dark Knight asks the crowd what he should do? Thumbs down and a Gorilla Press send Rose half-way across the ring and Nightmare ain't done yet. He twists Rose's arm and gives us an Old School Rope walk and the fans go wild, but only for a two count. Ruby is looking horrified at the beating her fella is taking and throws herself between Nightmare and Rose. Nightmare is loathe to hurt a woman but it seems Ruby has given Rose all the time he needed to sneak up behind The Dark Knight and fail to get the pin when Reed spots Rose's feet on the ropes.
T-Bird has seen enough and grabs Ruby by the hair and swings both of them out of the ring in a way I cannot describe. Reed is trying to keep order on the outside and with his usual cunning, Rose sneaks away and grabs his singapore cane, sneaks up on Nightmare (wrapping the cane around his throat) and giving him the Huachuca City Special. The joke, however, is on Rose who has no referee to count the pinfall because T-Bird is driving Ruby's head into the crowd protector to an amazing pop (from the girls). I didn't realise they hated Ruby so much, I thought it was just Rose. When I look closely however, I see the real reason for the uproar. Jonathan Quinn is in the ring (with his shirt off, that explains the girls) and smacks Rose in the face with his cane. And again. And once more for luck. Revenge long overdue from SuperNOVA methinks. T-Bird throws Ruby down, takes her place back on the apron, tags out a groggy Nightmare and leaps on Rose, getting the three count.
Winners: Nightmare & T-Bird.
Post match: Nightmare and T-Bird celebrate their victory, unaware of Quinn's interference. Jay Bain is standing at the top of the entrance ramp, clapping for Nightmare's effort. I think I see him mouth the words "see you Sunday" to which The Dark Knight simply challenges Jay to get in the ring.
Shaun Wilson Vs hide Kitazawa
CP: Pfft.
Another week, and another match with absolutely no exploding ring, no electrified barbwire, not even a flaming chair. In fact, judging by the display these fellas put on last week, I didn't think there was even gonna be any fucking wrestling. So, after the two finished fucking about with their entrances and the bell rang, It was a pleasant surprise to see Wilson fling Kitazawa over his head with a storming overhead belly to belly that clearly shit Kitazawa up. Clearly Wilson had learned that he couldn't go toe to toe with hide in a striking match, so he'd obviously figured he was going to spend the entire match keeping him well out of arm's reach. Kitazawa wasn't having any of that shit though, and after flicking himself back to his feet, punched Wilson between the eyes before roundhouse kicking the taste, the teeth and the tonsils out of his mouth. Wilson pitched sideways, but he somehow managed to jump out of the way of the low kick that hide threw, and the two of them entered into one of those fights like in the Andy Capp comic strips; Just a huge cloud of dust with limbs sticking out of it, surrounded by cartoon 'biff's and 'pow's.
Anyway, at the end of it, Kitazawa must have got a lucky elbow in or something, because Wilson ended up on his arse, sat up straight while Kitazawa kicked the shit out of him over and over again. In the end, the official had to hold the mad Japanese eejit back so he didn't actually kick Wilson into pieces. The Knockout Artist dragged himself back to his feet eventually, and as Kitazawa came back for another bout of kickin', Shaun locked in a quick hammerlock. Kitazawa went for the traditional elbows to the head, but Shaun managed to duck them, spin Kitazawa round and drop him with an inverted atomic drop. hide was stupid enough to stay standing though, and he didn't lose an ounce of momentum as he charged in with more fists and feet, pinning him against the turnbuckles with more and more intense strikes. He even did that mad maths thing again. Kitazawa took a step back, ready to hit his Dragon punch when....
KERBLAMMYKERSPLATTO!
Wilson battered Kitazawa with the clothesline from houston, then collapsed on top for the One...
Two...
THREE!
As the bell rang, Wilson dragged himself back to his feet in time to see M arriving at the top of the entrance ramp. See, turns out that after Yori slapped him up the face, the big boss had decided that this match would be a number one contender's match for the TransAtlantic championship. I didn't really listen to the rest, but basically it boils down to Wilson being the number one contender to Triple J's crown.
So, expect Wilson to get hit with a shovel some time soon.
Winner: Shaun Wilson
Triple J and Billy Walker, the Huachuca City Gang vs. Jay Bain and Jonathon Qui
MED: Well, we've got the two champions of NOVA on opposite sides on the ring, accompanied variously, by three of the sneakiest, most devious twats to ever grace this 'noble' sport of The Professional Wrestling, and a guy who - if last week was anything to go by - can't even hit a Shining Wizard. Ok, there were mitigating circumstances going on there, but I mean really. Even I can hit a half decent Shining Wizard. True story, that, although going into it here might not be the best idea. The point is that Jay Bain is quite possibly in the shit, from the moment the bell rings. In fact, the bell is rung early, by the shovel of an angry Triple J; which destroyed the timekeepers table in the process
[CP: Oh Noes! How will we keep time now?!?!?]
And that minor tragedy, we begin midway through Jay Bain's entrance. Quinn being stuck in the middle of the ring with Billy Walker, who - get this - can actually wrestle! Who the fuck knew? Quinn has his arm stretched in three different directions before he's even turned around to face the Cajun Scumbag. In the end, he ends up sitting on the floor with his arm wrenched over his back in some kind of hammerlock, which Juh-Juh-Jay breaks up himself with a shovel to the face. The referee doesn't see this thanks to a classic bit of heelishness which involved Brandi and Rose distracting the referee, tell him to remove Jay Bain, who despite a sprint couldn't make it to the ring in time to stop any of this. Fast Forward through a good few minutes of Heelish Beat-down on Quinn - the exact time of which can't be determined now that the time-keeping crew have been sent packing - before Quinn finally wriggles free for what can only be described as a Hot Tag to Jay Bain.
Did I Hot? I meant Molten. Dropkicks for everyone, Armdrags for Everyone, Spears for Everyone. It goes swimmingly, for a start, he aims a baseball slide at Rose. Not a good plan when you're trying to swim through lava, and when he stands up, he walks into Billy Walker's Flying Knee; sending him into the H-City Corner, and then lets 3J go to work. And go to work he did. In the face of this beating, Bain turns it around and unleashes a storm of middle kicks. The Other Jay storms back with his own fists, walking into the OFFCORE~!!!
Oh Wait, here's Billy Fuckin' Walker to stop it with a punch to the kidneys. Damn.
Just as the crowd were getting all riled up. 3J slips out of the back and angrily throws 1J shoulder into the nearest turnbuckle post. Whether Fortunatly, of Unfortunately, the turnbuckle post in question is that where Jonathon Quinn is standing with blood trickling down his face from before. I'm sorry, I forget to mention this? He's been slowly bleeding since a point in that heelish beatdown. It's not really an issue. In fact, it doesn't actually become an issue until Billy palms his partner a roll of quarters, and then handily distracts the referee with the issue of Jay Bain. With Bain removed with the 'help' of Billy Walker [help that includes more than a few sneaky shots;] and then on the way back he takes the Roll back, and tosses it out to Rose; who's rich enough enough to unroll it and throw every single quarter into the crowd without blinking. Smooth bit of heelery.
Quinn's a bloody mess, Bain's a beaten wreck, so you'd think the Bad Guys have it in the bag. Not quite yet. Quinn kicks out of a pin attempt; and as the match goes on, there's still hope for all that is good and light. But then, do you think sensible people book this shit? Well, they're booking a wrestling promotion, which instantly disqualifies them from being sensible. Bain tries to help, but that ends with Sanderson Reed telling him where to go. JJJ becomes Walker and Punchin' becomes Chokin' and this time Sanderson Reed is taken up with removing Jay from the ring, allowing the Other Jay to come in, run the ropes and hit a Download on Billy. Aww Shit. Reed gets some order going, and it disintegrates in Short Order; As Bain is escorted back, Billy makes a fake tag with a loud clap, and then dives on Quinn's ankle before he can reach out for the tag. The T[&]A champion starts putting the boots in as Walker slinks off. Quinn crawls away, right into a choke, and it's time for some Grave Diggin'. Right on Cue, Bain runs in to make the save, and for the Second Time Tonight, Eats Knee!
Oh yeah, Quinn is fucked.
Winners: by Pinfall, Walker & Jay, the Huachuca City Gang.
Whoo Mama! What a show we had this week! It's just a shame that none of you twats actually watched it; something that had better change come PPV time, or we'll be broke in weeks. But anyway, Nightmare and his lady got a win this week, Shaun Wilson survived yet another kicking to become the number one contender for the TA belt, and the H City Gang went round being dicks, as per usual. Next week you're in for a treat though: Adam Warlock makes his debut by wrestling a Dead Horse (Strength: Is a horse. Weakness: Is dead.), Mr Great makes his debut by wrestling a snowman (Strength: Has the power of ice. Weakness: Temperatures of above zero degrees centigrade), and Billy Walker stars in an stage version of 'Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam', the film often called 'The Turkish Star Wars'.
That, or wrestling.
Bonne Nuit, Fuckheads!
Chris "Hung Over on Saturday" Pain, Dan "Hung Over Today" Dare, and Mark "Stays Drunk to Avoid Hang Overs" E Dangerously.