Post by KuroKuro on Oct 26, 2008 23:56:36 GMT
MED: Welcome back to the Heart of the Sun; where the Dangerous Mark remains, even if the others are lost in the Hell of Infinite Non-Interwebz, and the Hell of Creative Drought respectively. Still, you got me, and I'm here to watch, and distill of the solvent of the mundane [and the dichloromethane;] leaving you with purified Wrasslin'.
And thus, we proceed thusly.
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The Hammer vs. TrembleKing Yori
MED: Aww man; I like TrembleKing Yori. Dude's got an entertaining gimmick, and a bitchin' theme; and those are important things in my book. A well played gimmick beats out movez any day of the week. Unfortunately, I'm merely a recapper, and as such all I can do is futilely ask who books this shit. On the plus side, there is some kind of schitzophrenic superhero [or apparently villain, depending on the phases of the moon;] to take his place in the pantheon of Super Powered NOVA Chumps, along with Adam Warlock and the Silver Herald; and based on his performance here, he might be more use.
Enough preamble, match, and it was short, to the point, and really, really acrobatic. At least the Hammer was. Some flips, some armdrags and a Shining Wizard/Hammer and the most anticipated return in NOVA for a fair while is over. For shame.
Winner: By Pinfall, the Hammer.
Elrick vs. Joe Wilson
MED: I'm pretty sure Elrick was looking for a career revival when he came to NOVA; unfortunately, it was not to be. He's more of a fight than Deathcrush was, but that's not hard. I could put up a better fight than Deathcrush. Still, after a reasonably bright start from Elrick, the cheating on the part of young Joseph began to set in, and some rather sneaky tactics put him in command of proceedings; and while Elrick finds himself blinded, gets himself lifted up and thrown away with a 51 Cent Stamp, which is some strange cultural reference I just don't get.
Well, it doesn't work, but then the Career Killer comes face to face with a Dork Killer, and that is all.
Winner: By Pinfall, Joe Wilson.
Nightmare vs. T-Bird
MED: As the kids these days say: Mysogeny FTW, which I'm reliably informed means "For The Win." Now ladies and Gentlemen, before I start offending people, this statement does not reflect my views on the treatment of women, merely a comment on how this match proceeded: Nightmare put a short, quick, and rather painful beating on T-Bird, and that's all there is to say. The Cataclysm ends this one quickly, and expediently.
Winner: By Pinfall, Nightmare
Jay Bain vs. Billy Walker
MED: Well, can we finally get over this whole Squashing of the Jobbers thing? It looks like at last, we finally can, and finally we get a little actual competitive wrestling, and aww shit, if it ain't my son, the Famous Stealer of Cars; and his mate the Equally Famous Runner of Rooftops. It's speed and suplexes vs. technique and trickery; two men, jaded in their own way and battling for pride, if not gold; and despite Billy Walker's ability to be able to swallow aformentioned pride for enough money, neither shows much sign of actually being able to do that here.
And thus any danger there was of a clean, peaceful match is quickly throw out of the window when Walker starts stamping on everybody's toes; and trying to roll them up once they're hopping. That's his usual MO, but it seems that Bain is wise to it, and dances out of the way of the stamping, and goes straight for the punching. Oh dear. This new Brawling mode favours the Essential Edition somewhat, and after the first staggering blow, Walker never really has a handle on the match again; and Bain proceeds to lay a hurtin' on him; culminating with an All or Nothing...
It comes close to getting it all, but winds up with nothing; but still pressure is applied with stomping and pain and the GLAIVEN¬!!! Until Billy turtles up, leaving Bain with a golden opportunity to disable Walker's famous light fingers...
Winner: By Pinfall, Billy Walker
Guess Jay Bain never watched any Johnny Saint; the Lady in the Lake; or the Huachuca Rope Trick claims its first NOVA Victim before Bain can even blink; and just like that, Billy's away and tapping his head like he knows what's going on. Hardly a dominating performances. Let's see if the T-A Champion can do better...
Shaun Wilson vs. Adam Warlock
MED: Or at least, that's what was billed. After Warlock hit the ring, the lights didn't return, until after a fire was lit on the end of a torch, in the dark and makes it's way to the ring. A light, in the black, or just a Fear of...
Triple Mother Fucking J.
Sorry Maiden fans, but here is something better: a man lighting a cigarette on a flaming torch; with a can full of gas; and with that, Warlock is fucked. After a beating with the torch; and a Kicking, and a Gravedigger only Sanderson Reed stands between a Burnin' for Warlock, and even then, the official only stays his hand long enough for him to escape: Jay is going to fuckin' burn something, and if it ain't gon' be livin'; he will make do with the ring.
Sorry folks, ain't gonna be a match now; but it you're quick, you might still make the barbeque. Wilson appears, if only to put in an appearance and a smug grin; after all, he is the title, but I think he's missing the point, which I'll make in bold:
Winner: No-one, we're all fucked.
CP: Well, hows about that, you bunch of tools? Triple J has returned, bitch and bottle in tow, ready to bring chaos back to NOVA. So, tune in next week for three men in a boat, six men in a sticky situation, and quite likely a fuck load of shovelling.
Whether the first two will happen, I don't know. The shovelling, I practically guarantee.
Later, Motherfuckers!!
Mark "The Smark" E. Dangerously,Dan "Conspicuous by his abscence" Dare, Chris "Easing himself back in dangerously" Pain
And thus, we proceed thusly.
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NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
=======================
NOVA Fusion
The Pyramid
=======================
[/center]The Hammer vs. TrembleKing Yori
MED: Aww man; I like TrembleKing Yori. Dude's got an entertaining gimmick, and a bitchin' theme; and those are important things in my book. A well played gimmick beats out movez any day of the week. Unfortunately, I'm merely a recapper, and as such all I can do is futilely ask who books this shit. On the plus side, there is some kind of schitzophrenic superhero [or apparently villain, depending on the phases of the moon;] to take his place in the pantheon of Super Powered NOVA Chumps, along with Adam Warlock and the Silver Herald; and based on his performance here, he might be more use.
Enough preamble, match, and it was short, to the point, and really, really acrobatic. At least the Hammer was. Some flips, some armdrags and a Shining Wizard/Hammer and the most anticipated return in NOVA for a fair while is over. For shame.
Winner: By Pinfall, the Hammer.
Elrick vs. Joe Wilson
MED: I'm pretty sure Elrick was looking for a career revival when he came to NOVA; unfortunately, it was not to be. He's more of a fight than Deathcrush was, but that's not hard. I could put up a better fight than Deathcrush. Still, after a reasonably bright start from Elrick, the cheating on the part of young Joseph began to set in, and some rather sneaky tactics put him in command of proceedings; and while Elrick finds himself blinded, gets himself lifted up and thrown away with a 51 Cent Stamp, which is some strange cultural reference I just don't get.
Well, it doesn't work, but then the Career Killer comes face to face with a Dork Killer, and that is all.
Winner: By Pinfall, Joe Wilson.
Nightmare vs. T-Bird
MED: As the kids these days say: Mysogeny FTW, which I'm reliably informed means "For The Win." Now ladies and Gentlemen, before I start offending people, this statement does not reflect my views on the treatment of women, merely a comment on how this match proceeded: Nightmare put a short, quick, and rather painful beating on T-Bird, and that's all there is to say. The Cataclysm ends this one quickly, and expediently.
Winner: By Pinfall, Nightmare
Jay Bain vs. Billy Walker
MED: Well, can we finally get over this whole Squashing of the Jobbers thing? It looks like at last, we finally can, and finally we get a little actual competitive wrestling, and aww shit, if it ain't my son, the Famous Stealer of Cars; and his mate the Equally Famous Runner of Rooftops. It's speed and suplexes vs. technique and trickery; two men, jaded in their own way and battling for pride, if not gold; and despite Billy Walker's ability to be able to swallow aformentioned pride for enough money, neither shows much sign of actually being able to do that here.
And thus any danger there was of a clean, peaceful match is quickly throw out of the window when Walker starts stamping on everybody's toes; and trying to roll them up once they're hopping. That's his usual MO, but it seems that Bain is wise to it, and dances out of the way of the stamping, and goes straight for the punching. Oh dear. This new Brawling mode favours the Essential Edition somewhat, and after the first staggering blow, Walker never really has a handle on the match again; and Bain proceeds to lay a hurtin' on him; culminating with an All or Nothing...
It comes close to getting it all, but winds up with nothing; but still pressure is applied with stomping and pain and the GLAIVEN¬!!! Until Billy turtles up, leaving Bain with a golden opportunity to disable Walker's famous light fingers...
Winner: By Pinfall, Billy Walker
Guess Jay Bain never watched any Johnny Saint; the Lady in the Lake; or the Huachuca Rope Trick claims its first NOVA Victim before Bain can even blink; and just like that, Billy's away and tapping his head like he knows what's going on. Hardly a dominating performances. Let's see if the T-A Champion can do better...
Shaun Wilson vs. Adam Warlock
MED: Or at least, that's what was billed. After Warlock hit the ring, the lights didn't return, until after a fire was lit on the end of a torch, in the dark and makes it's way to the ring. A light, in the black, or just a Fear of...
Triple Mother Fucking J.
Sorry Maiden fans, but here is something better: a man lighting a cigarette on a flaming torch; with a can full of gas; and with that, Warlock is fucked. After a beating with the torch; and a Kicking, and a Gravedigger only Sanderson Reed stands between a Burnin' for Warlock, and even then, the official only stays his hand long enough for him to escape: Jay is going to fuckin' burn something, and if it ain't gon' be livin'; he will make do with the ring.
Sorry folks, ain't gonna be a match now; but it you're quick, you might still make the barbeque. Wilson appears, if only to put in an appearance and a smug grin; after all, he is the title, but I think he's missing the point, which I'll make in bold:
Triple J Is Back¬!!!
Winner: No-one, we're all fucked.
CP: Well, hows about that, you bunch of tools? Triple J has returned, bitch and bottle in tow, ready to bring chaos back to NOVA. So, tune in next week for three men in a boat, six men in a sticky situation, and quite likely a fuck load of shovelling.
Whether the first two will happen, I don't know. The shovelling, I practically guarantee.
Later, Motherfuckers!!
Mark "The Smark" E. Dangerously,